newiy

2009-08-23T05:43:00.000+08:00

MOVED!! (:
http://p-ercipience.tumblr.com

bye blogger):

2009-07-23T00:43:00.002+08:00

everything's just been so crazy,

so unorganised,

so unpredictable!

stayed back in schoool for the first time in a long time.

hung out with people i havent hung out with in a long time!(:

chong shuni came over and that made my day! :D :D :D

she and jug had a wonderful reconciliation,

we studied a little,

messed around with poker cards

crapped and talked.

if only school life were that simple eh? haha.

yiwen,

what

are

you

doing

girl.

let me become sensitive to sin, so that i won't be comfortable with it ):

Most assuredly, I say to you,

unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

- John 3:3

create in me a new heart, one that follows You.

create in me a deep desire, to know You as i'm known.

sigh!

2009-07-13T23:45:00.002+08:00

The Ant and the Contact Lens

Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death, she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the rope, and started up the face of that rock.
Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the safety rope snapped against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact lens.

Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping it had landed on the ledge, but it just wasn't there.

Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset, so she prayed to the Lord to help her to find it.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down, despondent, with the rest of the party waiting for the rest of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains, thinking of that Bible verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth." She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.

Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom.

At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it.

Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

At the risk of being accused of being fatalistic, I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say, "God, I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will."

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called

isn't it cool when you see things in the bigger picture? (:

back to 1130 mondays, sigh!

and i went to school at 730 today!!

-________________-"

ahaha, meet jiayin weicheng and yongsiang for breakfast.

& everyone was tired):

we didnt get back any results today):

so tomorrow's going to be killer when we're bombarded with all the *good news(:

(have faith have faith! haha)

i've been pms-ing for the past week,

certain things made me happy today,

certain things pissed me off,

and certain things just hurt me.

truly there is life and death in words.

and i dont mean the random 4 words we put together during lit that made poetic significance.

if only life were that simple.

whatever combination or random grouping of words,

we could somehow crap some intepretation out, haha.

everything would be considered, accepted and unrejected.

okay, if you don't understand i'm just talking rubbish. haha.

we played floorball for pe.

sigh.

its going to be our pe enrichment for the next few months.

sigh.

i can't imagine doing :

floorball theory,

learning floorbal rules,

learning floorball techniques,

practicing floorball so that we can be tested -.-

watching floorball videos.

sigh! hahaha.

i'm trying to convince myself that its fun, haha.

went to meet my mum at king albert after and helped her with grocery shopping.

family time! yay(:

i'm happy today.

today was the first day of our one week fast for nyjc! (:

honestly honestly, i was really scared when i asked them whether they wanted to do it.

but i was so so so so relieved and encouraged when most of them agreed!(:

we have not really done much together,

but i hope this will bring us closer and that God will see our hearts(:

may this be our first step to bigger and better things to come!(:

the cry of my heart, is not to leave nyjc the same way it was when we first stepped in.

i will not spend 3 stupid years here for nothing, haha!

see our hearts Lord, feel the brokenness and God-dependence.

engineer opportunities, bring breakthroughs! (:

all we do is for You and Your house(:

2009-07-09T20:33:00.003+08:00

i'm pms-ing and i hate it!

woke up at 1230pm today so i didnt go to school.
the past few days have just been exhausting for i-dont-know-what reason.
hahaha, woke up in shock because i slept relatively early last night o.o

went down the sacs mental rehab centre for my first day of volunteering!
yay!
i was really shocked and happy that people like susanna and the other clients still remembered me even after like 3 weeks of not seeing them.
i was really scared they wouldnt recognise me, yay!
played pictionary, paper musical chairs and bingo, and went for a coping skills lesson with them.

it was kind of fun, i kind of wish i could just quit school and work there full-time.
once a week just sucks ):
but to me, i guess its better than nothing.
i really want to see them improve,
get happier,
get back into society(:

i guess i was pms-ing the whole day to my family.
im sorry):

and, ling and i have decided to do some light exercise routine.
we started yesterday and i hope we can make it something daily.
it was the strengthening i used to do in track in ccks. lol.
hope there's results! hahahaha.
its really light, so maybe the results will be shown in 50 years time. haha.

anyway,
Dr. AR Bernard tomorrow, yay! :D
hope my period doesnt come, i'll just peng.
im insecure and sad ):
for no reason in particular.

2009-07-06T23:51:00.002+08:00

tell me what's wrong with society
when everywhere i look i see
young girls dying to be on tv
they won't stop til they've reached their dreams
diet pills, surgery
photoshopped pictures in magazines
telling them how they should be
it doesn't make sense to me

is everybody going crazy?
is anybody gonna save me?
can anybody tell me what's going on
tell me what's going on
if you open your eyes you'll see
that something is wrong

i guess things are not how they used to be
there's no more normal families
parents act like enemies
making kids feel like it's world war 3
no one cares
no one's there
i guess we're all just too damn busy
and money's our first priority
it doesn't make sense to me

is everybody going crazy?
is anybody gonna save me?
can anybody tell me what's going on
tell me what's going on
if you open your eyes you'll see
that something is wrong

is everybody going crazy?
is everybody going crazy?

tell me what's wrong with society
when everywhere i look i see
rich guys driving big SUVs
when kids are starving in the street
no one cares
no one likes to share
i guess life's unfair

is everybody going crazy?
is anybody gonna save me?
can anybody tell me what's going on
tell me what's going on
if you open your eyes you'll see
that something something is wrong
is everybody going crazy?
can anybody tell me what's going on
tell me what's going on
if you open your eyes you'll see
that something is wrong

the Doctor of all doctors, woah.

2009-07-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

exams are overrrrrr :DD

(sorry qq!)

and for once, i didnt go online during the exam weeeek.

okay, maybe the last before the last two papers :x

but thats an improvement(:

nothing much to say about mye,

dont want to look back on them,

they're over!

just surrender into God's hands and enjoy life now! haha!

had a fun fun baking session yesterday

brought the remaining brownies for my family and D5.

they actually said it was nice! yay!

HAHAHA

instant one of course - except for the colourful icing.

my sis took a photo of it, but its still in her phone.

Cat and Del HATED it, but everyone else liked it(:

everyone's in a baking craze now.

everyone wants to bake, EVERYONE, its crazy!

but i'm not complaining.

need to attain some cooking skills for when i get married. weeee.

anyway, been feeling a little feverish since this morning.

more of a headache.

thats what i HATE about taking the 67 bus from bukit timah to paya lebar.

can just die of heat stroke and butt pain and motion sickness):

poor val cheong got sent home):

i hope she doesnt have h1n1 ):

Pastor Kent Munsey is awesome amazing cool funny woah!

his wife is reaaaaaally really pretty.

but Sharyl and i saw a milipede during service !! D: D: D: D:

it touched my leg during worship !! D: D: D:

but it died shortly after service.

aww.

really lazy to blog now, haha.

but i just want to update.

hmmm, how uh.

okay, im eating durians now! :D

and yeah, facing some new problems in my spiritual life.

and i remembered something Pastor said last year about habitual sin.

i don't want that!

i don't like the feeling when you can't feel God close to you):

like something's missing, like a hypothetical blanket stripped away from you.

cold, lost, confused, disconnected.

somebody called me HOSTILE !! D:

the exact words were

"u know u give the 'don't u dare look at me' look."

WHAAAAAT ?!

Cat, you see what hanging out with you has done to me!

i don't want to be a fierce violent girl like you! hahaha :x

2009-06-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

guolong, happy birthday!(:
THEY'RE NOT CLOSING SCHOOOOOOLS! ):
the health minister just became the no. 1 hated person in singapore !! hahaha.
but honestly, there was no neeed to close i think.
it was just hope on our part that our exams would be postponed.
who doesnt want extended holidays right?

don't really know what i was doing today.
woke up, watched tv. took a nap.
studied for like one hour, watched some more tv.
went swimming.
just came back and is playing com and eating durians with my family. haha.
i promise, im going to study TONIGHT!
tonight! haha,
since they're not extending the holidays, guess got to mug.
*sigh.
but i don't feel it in me. hahaha!

anyway, just to side track for awhile, lalala.
i've found a few things i want to fulfill in this lifetime!
so i shall make a list which will continue to expand! :DD
.
.

1. see a goldfish burp!
2. spend time overseas with my friends.
3. see with my own eyes that an elephant can't jump (i'm not convinced)
4. learn the drums
5. learn guitar
6. get into uni without trouble
7. volunteer at the rehab centre/childcare regularly.
8. sit the singapore flyer.
9. sit a cruise ( though im so freaking scared after watching titanic and poseiden )
10. finish reading the bible 3 times.
11. Matthew 25:23 at the end of this race.
12. enjoy sports all my life(:

2009-06-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YONGXING!
& HAPPY LAOPEI DAY TO TIMOTHY(:

back from D.E.O camp(: (: (:
ohmytian, i was really tired when i came back last night that i totally KO-ed.
and woke up at 4:30pm today! haha.
i can't believe i almost didnt go for this camp man!
it was really really really awesome.
people like choongkai, darryl, jieru all planned the camp so well
and not a single person left the camp un-impacted and un-changed im sure.
so sure.

from running around Sentosa with zhilin, venus and the rest of the KAZHUA team.
( yes our team's name was kazhua -.-" )
playing games with D5 and others.
from staying up all night with shipei, eloise they all.
to watching my sister grow with the services.
to receiving from God myself after Dom's preaching.
listening and being touched when Pf was sharing about her family
and the talks with people like qianqian and zhenghui.
to finally meeting up with ryan yap again after about half a year.
being inspired by Pastor Troy Marshall and Pastor Vince over and over, because of the simpliest things.
unlocking ever more mysteries about God as i prayed and prayed and prayed, and waited.
even to the points of desperation and tears.
and to finally giving my faith pledge on saturday - that seriously took me alot of faith.
cos who knows how im going to fulfill it man. haha.

and so so so so many more things!
but im really too tired to think and look back now :x

with this fresh word from God, i'm going to continue running with the newly revealed path! (:
i don't know where its going to go, but i'm going to continue running nonetheless.

honestly, before this camp.
i was so close to giving up.
to just throwing down my hopes and prayers and walking away from this part of my life.
all the months of praying and hoping, breaking down and pleading. and nothing happened.
i'm so glad i didn't give it up.
you know, you really never know how near you were to seeing God's promises fulfilled, and your own prayers answered,
if you had just walked away and given up.
it could have just been so close. that close.

this doesnt just apply to spiritual stuff.
every part of life that's worth the effort tooo i guess(:
because things that are worth the wait, worth the fight.
often require just that - waiting and fighting.

after service last night, had to chiong down to celebrate my mum's birthday!
we went to westmall to eat Sakae.
and my family said grace together got the first time man!
had great talks with my siblings, and i feel a new season is coming(:
i feel we're becoming more open with each other.
yay(:

today, my family just ate cake and watched movies on tv for father's day(:
actually, they're still watching now, haha!
.
"write the vision and make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Thought it tarries wait for it; Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry."
- Habakkuk 2:2-3

also, my laopei told me something today that made me the happiest daughter ever man! (:
gosh, i neeeed to study.
close school, close school, close school before mye please.
i spent the whole night faceboooking when i had the econs book right beside me.
AAAAAAAAAAAH):

2009-06-11T17:02:00.003+08:00

this morning was my first first first time going for powerhouse.

i was so so so so afraid that i would oversleeep as usual.

esp because i slept only bout 2plus last night.

and i need a solid 10 hours haha!

so its quite good that i'm now staying with my cousins at eunos, only 15mins to church! yay(:

this morning my family was leaving for malaysia.

have you ever had the feeling that you might lose your family just like that?

(or something very very dear to you)

so fragile, so unpredictable. so NOT in your hands.

as i was walking to church, this very urgency started to overwhelm me.

so i decided to give them one last call.

i don't know why, but i started to cry - alot.

the people i walked past must have thought i was crazy. haha!

when i heard my sis' voice, and my mum.

i started to cry even more.

i felt this terrible vulnerability, a horrible fear of the fear of loss.

when i put down the phone.

i said a silent desperate prayer. wiped my tears and CHIONG-ED for powerhouse.

i'm so glad i went for it!

Pastor Tan Ye Peng is someone i really really admire and respect.

he shared about 2 Corinthians and John about seeing.

it is so so so so true.

everyone lives by the "i've got to see it to believe it"

which unfortunately is why many dont see the truth in christianity - which leans on faith.

i've personally have heard it so many times.

friends telling me "i'll believe it when i have proof, evidence"

or "why doesnt He reveal Himself to me?"

that's just it.

thats just the thing about christianity.

much of the time, we have to take the first step.

be the ones to seek, instead of expecting to be sought.

and much of the time, it involves a test of waiting.

but you know, what will be revealed will blow your mind away.

after that, everything else is just secondary.

we only have one life,

and its a struggle as to what and how you define and direct your life.

it can be the easiest and yet the hardest thing.

but, when you know the Truth's the truth deep down in your guts.
you know you'll always come back to it.

i believe its not just a feeling, but a choice.

life's way too big to just see with your natural eyes.

while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

-2 Corinthians 4:18

what God chooses to reveal to us will determine how our lives are changed.

Mary waited just a little longer than the disciples

and she saw the linens, the handkerchief and two angels.

but she didn't recognise Jesus even as He was right in front of her.

can you imagine us?

2009-06-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

this officially marks the end of my slack weeek ): haha.
the only studying, or thinking of studying i honestly did this whole weeeek.
was yesterday when impromptu study with azureen.
and only for about 3 hours. haha!
): ): ): ):
i've yet to plan out a study timetable. hahaha!
i really hope i dont screw up this mid years man.

honestly though.
i have no idea whats being tested for geog and lit.
i cant cant cant stand econs.
& maths is just practice practice practice.
*sigh!

BUT! im determined to at least try to put in some effort. hahaahha.

okay. my goal this weeek.
- to put in some serious studying effort.
- to not be to lazy.
- to exercise! play some ball, swim and gym :D

to find out who you are becoming find stories that move your heart.

Just like a seed has an image of the tree in it, so does your heart have an image of who you are becoming. Look for stories in movies and books that resonate in your heart, and you will find glimpses of your possible futures. What is your favorite story?

i love being filled with the joy of the Lord.
i dont know why, i really loved praise and worship today.
okay, besides the fact that Roy's voice is super ohmytian-ness zai.
and the worship team was really great, and i couldnt take my eyes off the drums at first.

when i tap onto God's presence, and even a revelation.
my spirits just fly up and i feel so full of energy, peace, comfort, awe, vulnerability and love.
all at the same time.
and i just felt at that point.
that all my financial, family, friendship and other problems dont sting as much.
they're still there of course, but you can't help but smile with pure pure pure joy.
a promise only God can give.
i love God so so so much, beyond words.

2009-06-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

you know,
i never realised what Mary had to go through.
the 30 years before Jesus' first "official" miracle.
i never really saw her as a significant figure, but now i learnt that her faith was amazing.
i really admire her now!
maybe she didnt travel the world and give great speeches, or perform jaw-dropping miracles.
but people really undermine the essence of sustaining great faith
imagine, 30 over years wondering if your child really is The Saviour.
30 freaking years!
nowadays,
3 days, 3 weeks is even enough for us to drop the towel and give up on God's promised Word.
to just go "aiya, maybe not true luh"
we stagger from faith to doubt so easily!
imagine 30 years!
everyone should go and read the book of John man. HAHAHAHA.
i honestly feel inspired not to give up despite all the poop life has given me.
one more step to a breakthrough! lalala~

okay anyway,
reached church super early today.
mooo and jess came so late ! ): ): ):
fell asleeeeep waiting for them. haha.
drums lesson was really really really really cooool.
i only went for half, but i still learnt quite alot!
can you believe moo really brought chopsticks for me & her?! haha!
jess was laughing at us !

then chiong-ed for boookstore duty.
did the whole duty barefoooted because my shoe BROKE.
it was really fun!
learnt alot!
but people didnt recognise jiahui and i as crew man!
we should go wear tags or get crew shirts D: D: D:

had time to scan through many boooks today.
and i really want to read them.
think i'll steal glances every duty. maybe i'll finish one book in .. 1234 years :D

learnt especially much because followed zhengy as she did her accounts, closing and stuff.
tiring, yet really fulfilling and enlightening.
i love serving in the house of God man!
[ but i really need to familiarise with the books and prices :x ]

ate dinnerr and chiong-ed homeeee.
.
.
.
my dear mo li hua.
cheeer up okay!(:
dont let others push your spirits down.
i know exactly how it feels to get ps-ed and feel like you're crap in others' eyes
dont think too much into it yeah.
you're a really great friend to have!
& you always have me :D :D :D

2009-06-03T19:29:00.000+08:00

i think i've experienced an epiphany.

e⋅piph⋅a⋅ny
–noun, plural -nies.
1. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

2009-06-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

a change in perspective & direction.

2009-05-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

it sucks not to have bluetooooth. or even infrared. haha!

anyway, my dad said something today which i felt was really coool.

"you condemn the sin, not the sinner"

isnt it really true?

it totally struck me man.

haha, we had a laugh talking about homosexuality in the car.

can you believe my mum got hit on and jio-ed by girls?

how funny that must have beeen. ahah!

today's class comm thing was fun! :DD

but,

having diarrhoea, having food poisoning, i feel like vomiting! ):

what a nice start to the holidays):

2009-05-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

ohmytian, i tell you.

this is seriously what we do every single day.

DS - PSP - Carolyn's iphone - hp games

the school life of retainees + Cat + Delicia. HAHAHAHA!

i wish i was exaggerating.

this one is just SUPER funny!

2009-05-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

i shall spam photos because im tired! haha.

this is 0936's best friend now!

BLOBFISH :D

i CANT BELIEVE he was voted the ugliest animal or something.

ITS SO CUUTE CAN.

i think it loooks really sad and bored with its life. haha.

Blobfish have a feeding strategy that “consists of sitting and waiting for something edible to go by,”

go to this web and seeeee all the cooool fish!

http://www.bountyfishing.com/blog/author/admin/

anyway, redrain photos! :D

OHMYTIAN OHMYTIAN!

I LOVE STEVE TURNER :DDDDDDDDDDD

STEVE TURNERRRRRRR :DDDDD

he's so cooool ! & so cute !

zhilin made ck and i do the nobody dance with her when someone dedicated that song. AHAH! step by step!

end!

we were holding back our laughter all the way. hahaha!

2009-05-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

i hate being sickkkkkkkkkk ):

its the most frustrating thing in the world!

remember in primary school, you'd die to get sick or at least to fake.

so that you could go home. haha!

luckily mrs tan cancelled lessons and i could leave early.

came home early to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

it didnt really help though):

then went out to meet my gfs to eat BK, talk crap.

laugh at each other.

a short and tiring day, spent NOT studying.

okay! i shall go read abit later. haha.

anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLYN :D

school was quiten sian today though.

ms tang gave us some talk about how we should bond and stuff.

personally i think she shouldnt have.

it just heightened the tension in class i think.

*shrugs.

but i do agreee we should be mature enough to just settle things in the open. haha

aaaah, must brighten schooool up man!

2009-05-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

"you'll never get married" - says Brian Ng Cheow Koon

hahaha!

anyway, Kris won! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

i'm really really happy!

but i kind of thought Adam had the bigger voice.

but still, WE ALL LOVE KRIS :D

tchoukball was different today.

2009-05-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

do you know about this?

these pictures are super cooool luh!

made by HOGC peeeps man D:

people like Nic and the rest.

ohmytian, this kind of standard.

is what people PAY big bucks for.

seriously, such lengths i can never reach. haha.

they're super creative and awesome and amazing and WOAH.

imagine, they're just plus minus 17 years old man.

truly God expands and breaks all the walls of our limited creativity! hahahaha.

the volleyball match today was really cooooool.

the girls are really PRO.

and we were all cheering and standing and cheering and sitting.

it was tiring.

imagine how tiring and stressful it was for them. haha.

by the guys match we were all dead.

i've never seen jianyu, hongzuo, mingqi and the rest play before!

lucky Cat was there to explain all the rules and stuff.

if not, we wouldnt know when to cheer and what we were cheering about :x

hahah so nooooob.

sheela came to my house after to take the polo bag.

LOL! we have memories with that trolley bag.

then we studied for about an hour and she left.

TIRED D:

the best,

best,

best part of today.

was having only half an hour of lessons.

(: (: (:

.
Speaking to this mountain
To move into the ocean
with Your authority given to me
No matter what happens
Here I am standing
On the hope of Your word
Promised to me

2009-05-17T13:55:00.000+08:00

random pictures! (:

kope-ed from jingfen's laptop.

RedRain!(:

23rd & 24th May :D

come come come! :D

2009-05-16T14:54:00.000+08:00

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!”

“Wait?, you say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.”

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.”

“And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, as we shall receive.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want…but, you wouldn’t know Me.”

“You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.”

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save … (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.”

The flow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.”

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I’m doing in you!”

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me
And though oft may My answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to wait”

i read this in sharyl's blog and i was just amazed.

stunned.

read it once, twice, three times.

drama night last night was pretty gooood.

saw a few familiar faces(:

people like xinlin, fadhil, peck hui, rachel and leonard.

their acting is pretty goood!

it was coool watching them there(:

but happiness doesnt last in my life man.

every pinch of joy i have is accompanied by 10kg of CRAP.

haha.

i'm so so so tired nowadays):

can't seem to catch a break.

last night, my dad just told my sis and i that our family has taken yet another blow financially.

they told my mum not to go back to zhonghua anymore ):

he told us, we dont have enough money for next month,

or to send my bro to uni.

no more holidays and what not.

i was sitting at the back of the car when he said this.

so they could not see the tears i tried so hard yet failed to hold back

whats happening! D:

Lord in these times i want to cling on tighter to You.

but when will these times end?

maybe in 2012. haha.

2009-05-10T00:41:00.000+08:00

Reinhard Bonnke

an amazing beyond brave person.

a good friend just told me.

you gotta start building your noah's ark
then put in everything that matters inside
then ask God to bring down a storm to drown out all the shit
but remember
you can never build an ark alone(:

today was a day plagued with good food, horrible cramps and hurtful words.

& my grandma's parkinsons and athritis is getting worse.

pray for her please ):

2009-05-08T20:52:00.000+08:00

my sis bro and i were laughing our faces off !!

i almost fell off the chair! haha!

but his dancing is quite zai leh.

and SUPER accurate! hahaha

"Throughout recorded time a majority of the world's people have been tormented by poverty

or by the fear of poverty,

by want,

hunger and insecurity.

Consumerism promises not only that they will be released from this ancient bondage, but also that they can by-pass on a

bare sufficiency,

a frugal security,

and break through into the satisfaction of a limitless desire."

"The ideology (consumerism) shows human life,

not as toil, labour and want,

but as endless fun, entertainment, escape, money, sex;

and perpetual distraction from the pain and pleasure of being fully human"

- Jeremy Seabrook, 1997.

something random we studied in GP. haha!

The trend in the past was to make huge chim earth-shaking societal commentary.

as if the rest of the world could not see.

now its become cliche.

but still true.

i feel this sudden urge to read.

read and read and read. haha!

i managed to score the high score on delicia's hp game chuzzle!

i was super super super super happy!

it was REALLY funny.

delicia's now set not to lose to a colour-handicapped person

in a colour game.

HAHAHAH!

came home quite early today,

because last minute everyone couldnt make it to study in church):

bumped into my brother going home early from camp too.

that NEVER EVER happens! haha.

the news announced that mas selamat was caught.

ohmytian, he had plans to bomb changi and all.

imagine if he didnt get caught ! D:

and, he's really really really skinny now ! D: D: D:

if i get to talk to him, my first question would be

"how did you lose all that weight??" :x

anyway, more pick up lines! :DDDDDD

they're fascinating!

Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye.
Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.

You're hotter than donut grease. [ lol?! ]

Can I have directions?
[To where?]
To your heart.

Do you have a BandAid?
I just scraped my knee falling for you.

You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup
line.

2009-05-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

this is an email i got.

things a girl just doesn't realise.

apparently its really true.

is it ?

1. Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

2. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch Goodbye.

9. Giving a guy a hanging message like 'You know what?!..uh...nevermind..' would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

11. Guys are very open about themselves.

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

14. Guys love you more than you love them.

15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.

16. No matter how much guys talk about butts and boobs, personality is key.

17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, 'Please come and listen to me.'

23. ,b>If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

32. Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs. haha it's true..

34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually

35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

life's that real.

the school security guard shouted at janice and me man D:

because janice ran away from him - literally.

and he thought she was my sister.

2009-05-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

cg was goood today!(:

thanks zhengy, pf and jieru for the listening ear(:

sharyl kate kua say my pick up lines cmi.

you should SEE our pick up lines of the day in school man!

then you'll say mine are the best.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

this is just funny. lol.

go to JOKES.COM and watch the videos!

they're reaaaaally funny.

hahaha!

2009-05-05T00:07:00.000+08:00

i hate that stupid greeen project. hahah.

it made me steal a box from the library):

i spent the past few hours working on it.

and it honestly ..

looks like crap.

hahahaha! i look at it myself and i want to slap myself.

the class is going to be pissed :x HAHA!

oh well, at least we handed in something right?

everyone was kind of down today.

or rather, tired over who-knows-what ):

carolyn, gf and i got really emo and started drawing emo suicidal jump-off-the-building-with-lightning-bolts-above pictures on our hands.

and then, pe was fuuuuuun!

at first it was sian because we couldnt agree on what to play.

but then angmoh just came in and said "captain's ball?"

and we played captain's ball! :D

though i could tell Cat wanted to play handball for a really long time ):

ohmytiannn

i havent laughed so hard in a really long time.

i felt my tummy cringe and cramp in pain as we all ROFL-ed at our lack of ball skills. hahah!

and then we just started bouncing balls off jug's tummy and head :x

i've not seen our class so happy together in awhile (:

hm, went to toa payoh to finaaaaally see that china i-phone.

"Ti-phone"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :x

its quite reasonable, $180 bucks.

but it doesnt have wi-fi.

so i think the games would suck.

which is what i want :x

THEN,realised i forgot to pay mrs kweeee.

so i had to bus back all the way to serangoooon -.-

and then walked all through j8 trying to find a job.

gosh, the pay sucks for part-timers now.

i wish i could cut school and work full-time.

hahahaha, but then. that would be a horrible life.

down to artbox and yami yoghurt.

CHERIE, HOWWWWWWW ?! ):

stupid pay. haha!

what else can we do when money makes the world go round.

i was shocked when love wasnt one of the fundamental and primary needs in maslow's hierachy ):

sad):

plus Carolyn told us a sad and horrible story called "knowing"

depressing, thought-provoking. haha!

gooooodnight(:

2009-05-03T10:08:00.000+08:00

pick up lines !(:

You may fall from the sky,
you may fall from a tree,
but the best way to fall... is in love with me.

People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!

Excuse me, if I go straight this way,
will I be able to reach your heart?

2009-05-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

turns out i called the lady for the sunday job too late,

and she's already found someone else ): ): ):

so,

im going job-hunting tomorrow! :DD

wish me luck man,

i must must must must must get a nice good job fast! (:

im so so so glad i didn't miss service today,

i felt a breakthrough,

i was feeling a little vomit-ish.

and many times i wanted to run off to the toilet.

but i'm glad i stayed throughout.

we had a church-wide temperature taking today.

it was really cooool as we all compared temperatures. hahaha.

its funny though,

last time, 37.5degrees already made everyone kanchiong.

now, the mark's 38.1degrees.

anything less, and nobody gives a poop. hahah!

also, im glad jieru talked to me today.

it felt good to let things out to my leader(:

her prayer comforted me.

NOT JUST, my life, my needs, my desires.

step into a life that's not all just about you.

and trust me, you'll walk out 987654321 times more satisfied & secure(:

im happy to proclaim that though my situations have not improved much.

but i'm feeling alot better(:

i don't want to sound like some religious freak.

but truly,

on thursday night, i was at my lowest

and i surrendered everything to God during QT.

truly broke down all my emotional walls.

and was broken and vulnerable.

all i said was "God, i really really need you"

change didnt happen overnight.

not even after night and after day.

i took some action by spending some mutual time with my family.

took the time to quieten my heart to wait on God.

and i guess the weekend took some time off from school crap.

and of course i shared my problems with friends and cgl.

like i said, things have not gotten much better.

im still struggling, and probably always will.

but now,

every night before i sleep.

i'm not overwhelmed with tears or hurt.

but i feel some peace, and like much of my burden has been lifted from me.

i feel comfortable comfort, and i can sleep better(:

this particular 2 weeks in my life have taught me such :

you can't change your circumstances, but you can change how you embrace them.

never be afraid to be vulnerable before God, and before your friends and loved ones,

you'll be surprised at what you may learn.

never stop moving,

you can take a break, but never,

NEVER admit defeat and give up,

allowing the walls of your circumstance to crumble on top of you.

it seems the solution's always that one step away.

you have to push for it(:

Pst Lia said something today that stuck in me.

there's a limitation to our skills and efforts.

anything else we drawn from God(:

He crushes the walls of our limitations, reveals to us so much more!(:

the past two weeks.
i honestly thought i had to do it on my own.
i thought i could manage on my own.
it was only today, that i realised just how true those words are.
your own strength and efforts can only bring you so far.
but when you lean on God, something just clicks naturally.
it's hard to explain, hard to accept i guess, if you havent felt it for yourself.
all i can say is,
trust me ^^

i will die to self, bend my will if i have to!
patience yiwen! :D

2009-04-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

firstly, can i say.

I DIDNT FREAKING DO ANYTHING.

turn all those pointed fingers away, splash all those tainted thoughts.

what happened to faith, hope, love?

i cant seem to catch a grabhold.

there's so much more life, cant you see beyond this fine grey line?

carolyn's voice going "embrace everyone!" is ringing in my head as i type this.

i think all these politics and stuff are really unnecessary.

haha, okay, something really random first.

i was just walking past my brother watching wrestling.

and some little irish gremlin has a signature move called

the .

TADPOLE SPLASH!

isnt that so cute !?

anyway, today was a short day.

but it seemed to drag on FOREVER.

i waited and waited for that bell to ring because i wanted to go home early today.

well, went to eat at j8 and ended up only leaving around 5.

ohwell, at least it was spent with Cat and gf.

i really neeeded a break from schoool and home.
.

i'm so happy! because Cat helped me to get a one day job on sunday(:

which will help me for my allowance next weeeeek! :D :D :D

i'm trying to look at my problems from a different perspective.

not just spiral downwards going why why why

but from heaven's eye view

i'm determined to find a way out of this, or at least change how i look at it.

i will not let my problems make me crumble!

besides, i realised the people on fmylife.com have much sadder problems):

so, enough yiwen! (: *slaps

count your blessings!

anyway, just want to say thanks to the people who have been helping me this week.

and just showing me that i'm not alone in this(:

marc, cc. sorry i cant meet you guys this weekend): i really want to!

2009-04-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

[ i know i'm not just thinking too much ]

i woke up at 9am today!

so decided since i was already late, i would go central and cut my hair.

$4.80 :D

contrary to what CATHERINE KEE thinks, im quite happy with it(:

so, reached school only about 1pm after meeting my class for lunch.

slacked around,

cat and carolyn were helping me with the job search.

yay! they're really helpful(:

then we went for gp.

brian , Cat & chiahow were dancing that wondergirl thing the whole day !! D:

the clap clap thing is stuck in my head now ! D: D: D:

*shakes head

met cherie at amk at about 6.

and we walked around everywhere to look for jobs.

gave our names here and there.

but nothing really promising.

the only one was artbox.

they said we could start immediately,

but the pay is only $4.50/hr.

and we probably cant work together ):

so we hesitated. hahaha!

cherie then brought me to eat pepperlunch,

for the first time in my life ! :D

it was nice :D :D :D

on the brighter note,

we're going to sing k tomorrow ! :D

yay! (: (: (: (:

God is good, all the time.

He put a song of praise in this heart of mine!

*clap clap . *clap.

eew ! the stupid wondergirl beat is in my head !! ):

life is tough ):

i'm trying my best to look on the bright side of this!

2009-04-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

i don't know, i don't know, i don't know.

i'm here screaming at the top of my lungs and you don't hear a thing do you ?

so much for friend.

today was alright, relatively slack.

or maybe because my brain was switched off.

econs, maths, geog.

i really couldnt absorb a thing.

( except the cool video we watched about volcanoes )

also, we washed our last 2 cars today!

FINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLY !!(:

it was such a relief when we threw down the sponge and cloth for the last time ! :DDDD

& the long awaited thursday was finally here.

del, Cat and i had our picnic! (:

it wasnt much of a picnic though,

but i loved it anyway(:

we trashed, we crapped, we listened, we gazed.

it was short, but it made me feel 10000x better.

the three of us just needed some time to get away from everything.

it was a great comfort to me knowing that they were there(:

this has just beent he worst week so far.

i just want to run away,

drop everything, run away and find the true meaning to life.

make someone's life happy, see the joy in someone else's eyes.

then maybe i'll find my peace.

there's alot of things i want to rant out now, everything.

maybe tomorrow.

i need to clear my head, get my story straight):

when i saw what you were doing today, something in my heart just broke.

i want to think that i'm wrong.

i want to think that things have not changed.

but come on, i'm not that stupid.

i know you aren't either.

i feel i dont even know you anymore):

2009-04-22T23:55:00.001+08:00

i have the most interesting msn conversation these days! this one is with kaihsiang!
ccks-sians are just weird. haha!
.
.

KaiHsiang - says:
ur hse there got sudden very strong wind?

- YYIWEN & nothing. says:
YESYESYES ! OHMYTIAN !
JUST ONLY !!

KaiHsiang - says:
lol
ya
like typhoon

- YYIWEN & nothing. says:
hahahah!
you also have ?

KaiHsiang - says:
ya

- YYIWEN & nothing. says:
thought our feng shui different! HHA!

KaiHsiang - says:
lol
i saw things flying around
.
.

HE SAW THINGS FLYING AROUND ?! o.o
i dont know why, but it made me rofl!
the thing is he stays opposite me. but our windows face different direction.
aiya, its funny. just laugh! (:

but, today was an emo day for many of us ):
things are just getting harder and harder to carry.

2009-04-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

[ its funny isnt it ? ]

okay, something really random.
but not UNlinked to my day.

imagine a world without :
- handphones, phones, pagers.
- computers & internet (email,google etc)
- television
- cars
and all the perks.

maybe then,
people would
read a little more patiently,
listen a little more intently.
pay a little more attention.
& just try a little harder.

life would slow to a jog,
opportunities, memories, everyday life seen in a different light.
and time will be more cherished.
.
.
i had an interesting conversation with my aunt last night.
she tried to hammer into my head
that life's about climbing all over the people around you.
that we must take what you can, throw the rest away.
and if you dont swim with the tide you'll drown.
values mean nothing, and there's no room for idealism,choice or sincerity.

.
and so.
what do you do when the world throws you a plate of crap telling you that's all you'll ever have ?

will you compromise your personal convictions (spiritual or not) ?

i trust in You.

2009-04-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

i just had the following conversation with CHONG SHUNI.

Shuni says:
BORING !!

- YYIWEN says:
hahaha, i entertain you.
what do you call a malay little boy?
(:

Shuni says:
ginna

- YYIWEN says:
NO LUH.
haha!
guess !

Shuni says:
i dont know !
i hate that type of thing

- YYIWEN says:
LOL
spoiler leh you
is mini mart! (:

Shuni says:
a bit :x
why!?

- YYIWEN says:
cos malay is mut right?
mut = mart = mini mart!
ITS A JOKE CHONG SHUNI.

Shuni says:
yeapps :x

- YYIWEN says:
JUST LAUGH.

Shuni says:
WTF!
alamak! i dont get it.
haha

- YYIWEN says:
malay little boy = mini mut (mart)
-.-

Shuni says:
HAOHAO!
i laughed le.

-__________________________________________-"

its super funny when you have to EXPLAIN jokes. haha!

2009-04-18T14:14:00.000+08:00

[ i was so shocked O: ]

i was just playing around on facebook when i thought,

how naturally everyone has fled from friendster to facebook! aha.

friendster is now such a thing of the past.

nobody even remembers it or talks about it anymore ):

isnt it quite sad?! ):

anyhoo, i spent the night at manprit's house.

like FINALLY! haha.

but it was quite funny, we had a really long night.

when we reached and went to her room.

i just KO-ed on her bed within ten minutes D: D: D: !

it was a rough night for both of us.

but i know much more for her.

gosh, life just gives you lemons sometimes eh ?

and you get so sick of just squeezing and squeezing.

honestly,

every week we struggle with all the shit around us.

EVERY WEEK, we tell each other each week that

we'll get over it,

we'll get through it.

things will get better.

but one day.

everything just hits you so hard you fall SMACK on your face.

and its not that you cant get up,

but, you just dont want to.

we were just thinking about how DIFFERENT things have become from last year.

seriously, its like having woken up from a bad dream and realising that its your life.

this year,

everything and everyone's just sucking you dry, suffocating you.

waiting to climb all over you if you don't hold your ground.

i dont want to sound like a horrible christian on this end.

im not trying to be self-righteous or hypocritical.

call me stubborn if you want.

but i mean,

life's not perfect eh. there was never a promise that it would be - or even close.

shit happens, we grow, we learn, we get over it, we move on.

we lift our strongholds to God and put it in His hands.

we do our best to be a good testimony.

but we're not super heroes yeah.

i love God with all my heart, more than anything even.

but there's a life and alot happening outside the four walls of the church.

where's the purpose and destiny if you turn away?

manprit's having tution now!

im bored ):

anyway, i think the car detergent's been giving me rashes !! D:

&&& our class managed to raise at least $523 this week! :DDDDDD

i love this week that i spent getting to know great friends like Cat and Delicia.

washing cars together and just living life(:

i thank God that they're there for me(:

2009-04-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHAT?
TODAY WE WASHED CARS AGAIN!
-.-
this time it was cat, girlfriend and me that lasted till the end.
hahaha! carolyn, zenia, nat and jacques left halfway.
and others just .. disappeared. sighs!
wont say anything about that.
we had alot of fun throwing water around and making fun of each other.
i love them! :D

we then attempted to study.
but gf and i ended up walking around the track after about half an hour.
nanyang's really nice at night you know(:
.
.
okay, i cant blog much because i need to study!
i think after i took meds today.
i started giving many people attitude.
HAHAHA!
i dont know if its because they really pissed me off,
or whether the meds is making me go psycho.
IM SORRY! ):
.
.
anyway,
mrs kwee ( my tution teacher ) probably hates me more x10000
because i postponed tution AGAIN.
AHHAHAHAHA.

okay, time to study! (:
smile everyone! (:

im quite happy today :D
maybe my meds are allowing me to assume temporary euphoria. HAHA.
okay forget it, im talking rubbish.
.
.
ohoh! before i forget.
i stumbled onto the blog of this guy friend of mine in the com lab today.
ohmytian, it really made me cry on the inside.
it tore into me, honestly.

i read line by line.

his apparent affections for this girl, the way he spelled it out.
its truly what every girl wants to hear! seriously. haha!
i was really amazed at his depth and all, plus he's quite a good looking guy.
i dont want to say too much, but his words really stung something in me man.
it really made me think into all this bgr rubbish.
i wish him all the best!(:

2009-04-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

whats the value on your life?

WE WASHED CARS TODAY!
it turned out to be really fun! haha, sort of.
there's a sense of accomplishment man!
altogether, we washed at least 8 cars today! :D

my wonderful thick-skinned classmates.
just ran up to EVERY car that passed us and asked !
we even washed laopei's car :DDDDDDD

in the end, it was just me and Cat,
and we persevered till 8! :D
.
.
school life is just full of crap and rubbish.
i seriously dont know whats happening.
my strive now
is to bring back SENSE into my life!(:

school this week will be just horrible.
i need to eat meds which make me drowsy, headache-ish and irritable.
so dont talk to me this week! haha.
i'll probably just stare at you and give a black face D:
.
.
on a lighter note.
I WANT TO HIDE UNDER A ROCK AND JUST HIDE! D:

2009-04-12T01:32:00.001+08:00

WATCH THIS! hahaha! ITS SUPER SUPER FUNNY!.

its the website with all the GXT videos, i was watching all night! laughing my butt off.

HeartofGodchurch GXT.

click it! seriously(: hahaah!

easter's been great.

impactful, significant, life-changing as always.

i admit i've been really tired this past two days,

havent been my normal hyped-up self [ except with shipei ]

but i really enjoy the company of people around me.

and God never short-changes when you seek Him(:

i just love D5 man! (:

we crap together,

we grow together,

we run alongside each other!

certain things and certain people disappointed me this easter.

but the impact that God left on my siblings and cousins - priceless.

and that trumps any disappointment and frustration.

on the random note!

something SUPER COOL HAPPENED TODAY.

okay, during the hangout in church.

ken was downstairs buying dinner for some of us.

then the following conversation happened between me and mo li hua.

jasmine : yiwen! i know what you're thinking now.

yiwen : im sure you do.

jasmine : yes! i know you're thinking about eating a double cheeseburger

yiwen : OHMYTIAN! thats exactly what i asked ken to buy for me!

jasmine : REALLY ?! i didnt know leh! i just saw your face got the "i want to eat double cheeseburger" face

yiwen: D:!

jasmine : must be the Holy Spirit! haha!

CRAZY RIGHT?

she had NO IDEA i ordered a double cheeseburger, so specifically!

i was expected, at most, AT MOST a "you're thinking about food right"

ohmytian!

SO COOL RIGHT!

this shows mo li hua and i got FLOW(:

okay, its really late and im lazy to blog details):

when i think about the heavens,

the moon and all the stars,

i wonder what You ever saw in me.

but You took me and You loved me(:

day after day, i know You're talking to me.

Your Word speaks louder than this world.

Your Word speaks louder than this.

2009-04-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

[ i think i might just be serious,

why is everyone giving me the shocked face? ): ]

dont throw politics at my face.

i'll just be like

seriously.

i really dont like things to be under the table and sneaky.

it pisses me off, haha(:

peace <3

the world of girls is one that is admittedly sometimes

over-emotional

irrational

manipulating

and just plain *beep*

sian): but i believe,

everyone has their reason for doing what they do,

feeling what they feel.

and deciding what they did.

its hard not to be led by your emotions sometimes, it really is.

but we have to know better.

dont just do the right thing, but do what is right(:

school was its usual roller-coaster.

nothing stays constant man.

we got back our PW! (A)

I WAS SUPER SUPER DUPER SHOCKED.

seriously, if you know me last year.

you'll know how unexpected and shocking this is.

but i thank God man! (:

for bringing me through it(:

today was the first time i really saw Mr Joshua get pissed and blow.

though it was only probably level 3.

it stopped my heart for a second. haha!

0936 washed ms tang's car today! (yay -.-)

only 6 of us, but it was okay(:

slacked around before going to dinner with some classmates.

we had long talks and long walks. HAHA.

i love them(:

Your Word speaks louder than this world.

when all else fades, You reman(:

- these words have never been so true.

2009-04-05T01:07:00.001+08:00

i hear a lizard RIGHT OUTSIDE my door.

and it's been on & off for the past few hours.

its creeping me out D:

tution was horrible today! haha.

though i finished my MOD.

she's intimidating sometimes! ):

& me being late half an hour

and forgetting to bring fees for the 2nd time didnt help.

HAHA.

yiwen,

wake up your idea please.

2009-04-04T13:01:00.000+08:00

when the world just wants to be heard,

who will bother to hear you?

all they do is run to you when they're on the brink of tears.
and then pat your shoulder and walk away when they're done using you.

i think its stupid that i have to leave my house at 1plus,

to go for tution that starts at 3 (!)

that really sucks. haha.

honestly, i really dont want to go for tution this week.

but my teacher said she'll charge me whether i go or not.

& i really dont want to waste my parent's money.

so i'll drag myself there reluctantly D:

okay, one thing i must say.

i really HATE cramps.

i had them really bad on thursday.

and manprit's having them now.

WHY, seriously. tell me WHY ?!

when you get them really bad,

it really makes me just want to block out everyone,

go home and cringe in pain

what a waste of one good day (!)

my friends and i used to say.

women practically only have one miserable week of normality every month.

or as guys would put it, one week of being sane

you see,

the week before you're suffering from pre-MS.

then comes the week when your period comes.

and the week after you're sufferng from pro-MS.

and THEN, only then, are you free.

that one tiny miserable week, or maybe even less.

and then you spiral back into that horrible emotional cycle for YEARS!

isnt it really sad ?!

haha, anyway,

life is a rollercoaster you just got to ride it(:
.

i kope-d this from jianfan's blog. HAHAHA.

it is so so so SO FUNNY!

bob the mehmeh trying to figure out wth jacques is doing.

teacher bob in lit class

we let Bob try on jacques' specs.

ISNT HE SO CUTE ?!

then Bob tried jianfan's yellow specs.

Bob is the cutest, dirtiest thing ever.

someone should seriously go wash Bob.

.
.

and then we took photos this week!

2009-04-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

things are going to change,

you'll see.

hahaha, okay i've decided im not going to care about what others think of what i blog.

i like being honest. i like blogging about how i really feel.

because i want to remember it.

and not because i want to please people that read it.

so HAH! (:

i'm sorry, this is random. ahahaha.

im too lazy to blog about today though D:

nights! :D

2009-03-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

saw this at my ahma's house today!

haas, our whole family ran to the window.

spent time with my cousins for dinner(:

anyway, i MUST show you this!

would you believe these are PAUS ?!

not donut man, PAUS!

hahaha,

the world comes up with the most random and creative things.

saw this in a shop called BAOZ in malaysia :D

its actually not that bad.
.

away fever,

away!

2009-03-15T23:43:00.001+08:00

run baby run,

dont ever look back

they'll tear us apart

if you give them the chance.

i definitely feel like my perspective has been pulled straight after trashing everything out to shuni last night.

it was just what i needed(:

now i KNOW im not over-reacting.

anyway, today was good! - & bad):

i LOVELOVELOVE Pastor Paul Scanlon.

his sermon today was awesome, seriously.

im going to get the sermon disc ! :DD

he's really so amazing.

when pastor first introduced him as a guy full of wisdom.

i seriously thought it was out of courtesy,

but seriously, he has taken my definition of WISDOM to a whole new level!

&&& my debts are piling up! D:

these are so far, the things i need to pay for.

[1] king richard the 3rd.

[2] bus concession! + ezlink.

[3] Roadmap to the Christian Journey D:

[4] D odds chalet D:

[5] contact lens!

[6] shopping!):

okay, the last one is purely just a girl thing.

but, its easily over a hundred and fifty bucks.

money which i DONT have):

i need to save save save save save .

the sad thing about today was missing discipleship class.

i just realised today how much i look forward to it each week.

and get excited for it.

but because of family stuff, i had to miss it!

& i realised how much it dampened my mood man!

hahaha, strange isnt it ?

anyway, went to uncle Robert & auntie Nancy's house.

they invited us to celebrate their 40th anniversary with them.

FORTY YEARS LEH! hahaha.

i remember when they took care of me from my diaper days till when i entered secondary school.

they still have so much energy in them.

thank God(:

had a good time catching up before going home.

everyday's a good day, when im walking with You(:

2009-03-07T17:02:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging from manprit's house.

i've not been able to get any peace at home this past week.

the x-country got cancelled this morning.

AFTER we were all soaking in the rain at east coast.

EAST COAST MAN.

super far):

from the morning already something dampened my mood!

manprit & i wandered around east coast till we bumped into yuen and some others.

so we all decided to wander together.

it was my first time meeting them, but it was quite fun(:

they're quite nice and open. had a really good laugh.

we laughed and they emo-ed.

ate lunch and then went back here to manprit's house.

understand that i'm filtering alot of things here, hahahaha! only manprit and carolyn will understand.

TRYING my best to rush MRP and lit.

but seriously no moooooooood.

gosh, nanyang gets on my nerve sometimes, seriously.

seriously.

anyway,

the A'level results were out yesterday.

I GOT A B FOR CHINESE :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

in nanyang. thats quite horrible apparently. cheena-poks!

but, B to me is like a total miracle!

thank God man(: God knows i couldnt have done it without a miracle from him.

everyone was really shocked, i dont blame them :x

everyone did quite well, and thats good! (:

but ohmytian, OHMYTIAN.

that shipei and john!

one got 4 distinctions, the other got 5.

WHATS THIS MAN! hahaha,

i mean, congrats ! :D

manprit says hi.

she's suffering in tution now.

HAHAHAHA .

this is the video of us bullying a worm.

ohmytian, i feel so guilty!

but, our reactions are super funny.

SEEE how they psycho-ed me man!

& yes, thats a page of the NYJC handbook :x

i'm really lazy to post up the photos, sorry! hahaha.

2009-03-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Your word speaks louder than this world

we need affluence to influence!

yes im updating! haha,

life's been really running past me, and i havent ben able to use the com much.

today was a good day, significant definitely.

despite me horrible cramps and pms.

seeing sheela able to finally burn all those things.

i'm really really proud and happy for her! :DD

it really gave me strength!

finally, after everything thats happened the past few years.

i'm going to let down the emotional guard i've been putting in front of me.

its a new beginning for me too(:

i'm going to be more open, less hostile in my relationships basically.

it was nice spending the day with my gfs finally.

we had a picnic and a bonfire! (:

i'll put up the pictures and blog about it tomorrow :x

i'm really tired! :x

I HAVE AWESOME AWESOME NEWS((:

my grandma's decided to get baptised this week!

im so so so so happy, seriously.

words cant begin to grasp how moved and excited i am!

my ahma recently got saved, and she's in stage 4-5 in her parkinson's disease.

yet, in all her struggles and pain.

she always initiates to go to church.

and this time, she initiated that she wanted to get baptised.

and she asked for us to be there with her.

im really really really really so touched.

2009-02-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

this has seriously been one of the longest weeks of my life!

in this week, everything has changed and everything has shifted.

as i look back now, woah.

seriously too much. haha.

some good and some bad i guess.

but that's life yeah ?

i dont know where to start blogging.

decided to stay home today.

since qiang is back, i really miss just sitting around and enjoying my family's company.

been reading eclipse too

basically just slogging around at home. hahah(:

yesterday was quite a long day. exhausting but fun!(:

came earlier even though i knew they all had pe.

i decided to get a pie and write something for manprit.

in a pathetic attempt to cheer her up.

met shanmei on the way and she gave me some pea-cookies to put in too! haha.

then just sat around the canteen while thinking of what to write.

soon some volleyballers joined in to celebrate some girl's birthday.

it was going to be a super sian day, we only had 3 lectures.

and a 3 hour break in between.

so my class decided to play tennis!

carolyn & i are set out to exercise and jian fei together man!

playing tennis with them was the FUNNIEST THING ON EARTH.

we all cant play tennis for nuts.

carolyn would just laugh after every hit.

shireena was being the pro among us. her hits are SO NICE.

you know the really nice smash sound ? yes, she has that almost every time!

brian was doing the most lame-ass poses.

plus we were making weird sound effects for our hits.

and i was being my normal loser self. haha.

we laughed our asses off!

i'm really glad we all decided to play, hahaha! :D

sooon manprit, jianfan and a few others came and joined us.

and we played straight till 2pm.

we knew it was 2pm because brian's watch was accurate to the second.

he always counted down to the bell ring. lol

we were all really sticky and smelly by the time we went for lit lecture.

so we sat at the back, though i dont think it helped.

our lit teacher is really funny in a way i cant describe :x

slept awhile in the atrium and played some ball before we went to IJ for the match.

while we were on the bus, i realised that there was a really big difference between the j1s and the j2s.

really a stark difference.

i guess the j1s are more whacky and easy-going.

i really dont know how to put it into words-

or rather, i dont want to. haha.

but it makes me want to go back even more):

the j1s, including michelle and i just click.

its really fun being around them.

by the time we reached, it was already about 6.

missed more than half of the guy's match cos manprit and i went to play ball with the 4/6-ians.

hahaha! seeing kaisheng, jiamin, zhizheng and aqilah.

i really miss them.

i think its better now that we've all graduated, we miss each other in everyday life all the more.

its like all the politics we had in the past dont matter anymore.

we just love each others' company(:

we went up in time for the last quarter, and i was in SHOCK!

shock is an understatement.

i couldnt believe the score, and how they were playing):

i really dont know what to say ^^

i wonder if it would be different if sm and cl played.

and then i thought, maybe not :x

the girls played so so so much better!

even though huiting and the rest were kind of reluctant to play.

they played well, hahaha!

but priscilla got SO MANY BRUISES O.O

it was scary, and people got hit here and there.

but they trashed IJ man! (:

it was nice sitting next to coach,

being able to hear what coach has to say during the match.

thats why he's coach and we're not. haha.

talked to jiamin and zhizheng too.

and alvin for the first time in my life, hahaha!

then we all went back together.

finally, people who live near me man! :D

i havent had that in a long long long time.

when i reached home, i basically just ko-ed.

exhausted!

a nice end to a really exhausting week(:

i'm sorry there's no pictures!

if you dont know, the camera on my phone really sucks ^^

too lazy to read the words, too bad! hahaha.

things change and people change hur ?

lets see where this takes us.

2009-02-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

there are so many things i want to blog about!

thoughts just overwhelming my brain now.

just about things that have happened TODAY man,

but i realise that i cant):

manprit, you have become my new blog already,

i vomit everything out on you, LOL!

pm this morning was goood, and jiayin joined us! :D

but one thing is, i really hope for us to add action to our faith.

we need more hunger, we need more heart):

we then had stupid assembly at 830, when our lessons start at 1130!):

so us poor retainees sat in the canteen and stone. haha,

val then came and we went up to some ulu staircase in the cca block to chat.

i havent sat down and chat with her for such a long time):

thats what i miss most about her in NYJC man.

but well, life goes on(:

and we have to grow up and go on. haha!

and build our own alter(: thanks val.

lessons, *sigh

only Carolyn can feel my pain, haha!

the teachers we all wanted to AVOID,

ended being the very ones teaching us -.-

i dont know whether to call it fate, or karma.

lessons are quite fun with 0936.

and i'm especially thankful for people like carolyn, jacques and brian.

jianfan- jianfan is just being irritating luh. ahhaah!

he knows what i mean.

they really light up what should be a slow and draining day :D

went to watch the BBGT's match against NJC.

they won! (:

i'm really happy for them, despite what they think of their performance.

haha, they've really improved alot.

they're much more daring and aggressive now(: really so happy!

i'm sure all these matches will really make them grow grow grow!

official-ed with leechia and some others.

and then went off to study with junyan and yizhen.

ladida ladida~

i'm tired!

why do certain things turn out the way they do ?

i honestly dont know.

where is all this going ?

i honestly dont know

2009-02-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

had to wake up super duper early because of usher duty.

we had to report at 1030! D:

it was fun because i could usher with some familiar faces

& i met a really nice friend eunice who did IT with me the entire day! :D

Pst Joakim is really just, awesome.

modern martyrs, it was really amazing! really truly.

people like .. ohmytian.

i can rant on and on endlessly.

they really inspire me.

someone like Manche, who at 15 years old can willingly proclaim her faith in confidence till her death.

i really feel so far from her! haha.

and then familiar people like Martin Luther King.

sometimes i wonder,

dying for something is especially hard to do.

you cant put on a facade, cos well. you're dead.

and i'm sure being persecuted is really painful.

these martyrs, they werent laid to rest peacefully at the age of 100.

they were killed, beaten, assasinated, starved, shot.

all for their faith

i believe its really easy to say, "i'll lay down my life .."

but would you really ?

these people, with faith as small as a mustard seed.

did it practically without hesitation and doubt.

that takes real courage. real assurance.

how many things in this world are you seriously willing to die for.

nothing right! haha.

wow.

i'm seriously awe-struck.

thats the true, tangible love of a God.

a heart for others.

okay enough, haha.

we were all really tired and hungry by debrief.

but it was really great serving together!

had dinner with eunice and then went home to do the stupid binomial tutorial):

i'm sorry manprit! i'm too tired to blog about yesterday! haha.

but yesterday was really fun(:

who says you need to be attached to celebrate valentine's day?

you'll have plenty of time to waste on your husband when you're married.

so must grasp the opportunity to have memorable friend-loving valentines'(:

im struggling to put You first.
it can be the easiest, yet the hardest thing to do.

2009-02-12T21:02:00.000+08:00

i was kind of pushed by my parents to stay home today,

and probably tomorrow too. haha

but, i think it did help,

because the meds im taking now

makes me just KO each time i take it.

so my whole day comprised of

eat-meds-sleep

eat-meds-tv-sleep

eat-meds-com-sleep!(:

now i wont laugh at the words "might cause drowsiness" again o.o

seriously

my brain's not quite awake,

so i'm not quite sure about half the things im typing. hahaha.

oh! i want to blog about yesterday,

but i really cant think right now.

maybe tomorrow(:

i'm looking forward to tomorrow's seminar on modern martyrs!

i'm sure it'll be really impactful and eye-opening.

yay! :D

really hope i dont KO through it though :x

anyway, all the plans manprit & i planned for valentines' day,

dont seem to be working as we planned,

plus i cant seem to find the cards from precious thoughts):

sian):

this is NOT how i wanted my mood to be during valentines' day):

hahah! what a spoiler.

2009-02-09T22:40:00.000+08:00

woke up early this morning to go running in school.

my throat was sore as ever, and mum asked me specifically,

not to go running on the track .

im sorry :x

ran a few rounds with manprit & gentson,

before we bathed and got ready for schoooool.

i finally remembered to bring my nice shampoo :D

anyway, turns out jacques and bryan are 0936 too.

so it makes 5 of us retaineees. hahah!

thats alot.

if i was a j1, i would be really pissed.

but i'm not, so i'm really relieved! :D

but our classmates are rather quiet,

maybe because its just the first day.

and that stupid sm and bk,

they were the ones who wanted to go, and they ps-ed in the end -.-

they're so easily swayed.

orientation was rather fun today(:

but i really cant begin to imagine what the year ahead with them would be like. hahaha.

im too lazy to go into details about everything.

alot of complaining though :x

watched the basketball trials awhile,

before going to dinner with manprit and then to her house.

i was having the worst stomachache, it was really sudden.

it sucked, seriously.

i HATE, seriously DETEST being ill.

wioqhgtkpwgnpegjpojer ):

crapped with her mum as we talked about valentine's day.

it was really funny!

watched abit of friends and then went home.

i'm really lazy to blog,

i realise my posts are getting shorter.

i bet cherie xu shi hui must be happy. hahaha!

2009-02-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

i was just reading azureen's blog.

&&& her english has improved so much! :O

just seeing her rant on and on such chim and flowery language.

its hard to imagine we were struggling together in mr cheong's class! haha.

remember?

anyway, i woke up this morning and when i saw it was bright.

i thought i overslept!

i was so kanchiong, jumping out of bed and rushing around.

until i saw the clock was still 7plus -.-

CG was quite fun this morning,

it was the first time we had it in PGSM.

sharyl and i were doodling a msn box for annlynn and val to see on monday. but we erased it.

i really felt a breakthrough man(: plus clarity!

convinced vs conviction D:

it was really cool hearing jieru's revelation toooo.

we then chiong-ed over for pm and service.

i feel sad for missing yesterday's service.

heard the guest speaker was super funny! )):

but Charleston today shared something really coool.

convenience-christianity.

it really is funny how we treat christianity and our prayers.

like 24/7 mac delivery service.

expecting immediate results, and NOT being patient at all.

please, if we could define God, we would be God(:

didnt stay for long, and soon had to chiong to ahma's house for reunion.

while we were lohei-ing.

i remember the one constant thing i longed for:

that ahma be healed-completely.

the thing that popped in my mind instantly before i thought about wanting to promote etc.

thats what i really want for her this chinese new year.

please let her get well, please

tomorrow is the start of a whole new ball game(:

i really really really hope my throat gets fully recovered by tomorrow.

come on man((:

i'm still trying to imagine how ong jianfan and i are going to be classmates.

its going to be MADNESS, seriously.

2009-02-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

i havent been using the com at all all week!

except in com lab in school playing viwawa, lol

i hate whats been happening this past week.

everything since you called me last monday.

its made me a mess - emotionally and surprisingly physically too.

and i hate myself for allowing all this to affect me.

after blurting all this out to some friends,

and after Dzone meeting that day.

i've decided to STOP! just stop it 100%.

i need something better, and i want something better(:

okay, i admit i stutter to say it now,

but i KNOW, soon i'll be able to proclaim it confidently! ^^

because of this academic week, i've spent much of school time with sm and bk.

and i really see a new side of them man,

a nicer side. haha.

i seriously dont care about what others say about them, they're my friends man.

i hate to admit it, but they are gentlemanly, they really are.

we dont really do much, basically eat, sleep, play cards, play com, play ball and talk rubbish.

they really know how to cheer someone up, and though they dont know it.

and probably never will. haha.

everytime i was just about to go crazy in tears,

seriously just on the brink of it.

they'll always say something, or do something that'll make me laugh again.

thanks(:

anyway, manprit and i, as usual.

have been on an emotional roller-coaster.

seriously man, sometimes i just dont understand.

hahaha, but we have each other!

also, we got our classes le.

i'm in 0936.

lols, its like the laaaaaaast class i think.

and it still sounds weird saying 09 instead of 08. hahaha.

i really hope next week will be a better week.

please.

courage, confidence, boldness and security.

2009-02-02T23:20:00.000+08:00

tonight i literally got sick from you.

and i struggled to hold back these tears through the night.

2009-02-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

woah man.

just hearing about leader-of-the-year Roy and everything he does.

he really makes things happen.

all while still in army.

it just blows me away man. it truly does.

and he's still super young.

its truly giving the best years of your life for Him man.

- something i'm sure is easier said than done.

really inspired!

its funny how God answered all my questions,

down to every hidden detail in my head.

in one touch just washed all the noises from my head.

it's just amazing.

anyway, heard quite a few of them got into NYJC.

including elizabeth! :D

tomorrow's the day man.

TOMORROW.

time wont stop for you to get ready,

so you better get off your ass and prepare yourself. haha.

there will come a time where you have to decide.

to let every day pass you just for fun, laughter, peace and joy.

or to move on to something significant - still fun though! haha.

but where decisions and responsiblities come into place(:

where you shift and get moulded and increase.

its called :

growing up!

shall we be others-centered?

what do you want to look back on when you're like .. i dont know, 30 ?

opportunities you made and grasped?

or chances slipped and watched past you by.

2009-01-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

i slept at who-knows-what-time last night.

i spent the whole day reading twilight

lag i know! but i've been lazy all holiday D:

i literally could not put the book down till i got to the last page!

woke up to azureeen's sms.

i wanted to sleep in, seriously.

but then decided to get off my ass and meet her at tiong bahru.

for all her noise, all she wanted was CHEWY JUNIOR.

thats the reason she got us both up so early! O.O

we also watched bride wars! haha.

it was good :D

we swore to never have our weddings on the same day. hahaha

walked around, sat around and chat.

as usual, all the rubbish comes out.

as well as lots of catching up.

we both mourned at the fact that school starts on MONDAY )):

we both knew this wonderful break wouldnt last.

and soon we'll have to start sprinting again.

*sighs. haha

i shudder to think of what life would be like.

if i did submit my appeal to jjc that day.

i seriously love just sitting down and chatting like there's no tomorrow(:

then i went off to meet manprit at bishan.

i took the wrong bus! but luckily i bought bus concession today! wahaha.

we went to eat haagen dazs! :DDDD

thanks to her $20 voucher.

i almost never get to eat at such places!
as usual, we spent the time catching up.

and i managed to spill ice cream -.-

and knock several things over.

i think manprit's so used to it she just stops for a second, laughs and continues.

then we walked around awhile and walked to her house.

slacked awhile before going on a LOOOOONG walk.

we shared many things, past experiences which had scary similarities.

hahaha, played on the swing!

where i managed to hit my head on the swing -.-

then we took a super long walk to bishan mrt.

gosh,

i think we'll never run out of things to talk about o.o hahaha.

the bus ride home seemed to go on forever.

and i kept coughing on bus :x

no thanks to the ice cream we ate. haha!

the days are counting down!

monday's coming.

i'm excited yet dreading at the same time.

goodbye late mornings,

goodbye morning gym

goodbye laughing at j2s.

goodbye meeting manprit and the rest at odd hours of the day.

ohwell, time to take a deep breath and embrace 2009 in nyjc! :D

sighs, i dont want things to change.

i know what my stronghold for this year is.

lifestyle and discipline.

i love my devotion book!

it's really taught me so much. and pushed me to the edge at times.

2009-01-28T00:59:00.001+08:00

in a blink of an eye the cny weekend has passed.

and even though there's like 15 days left, life goes on as per normal.

the end of all the festivities.

wasnt really in the celebrating mood this year,

partly because my sore throat's getting worse, haha!

i kept singing and singing in this horrible voice, just to piss my brother off :D

MONDAY

yesterday was alright,

with jj getting married last year, we got one more ang bao! haha.

talked around,

i didnt know jacinta & caiwen were 27 ?!

we were looking at a family photo taken 10 years ago, hahah!

also, yeshen was video-ing and photo-ing every moment.

gosh.

even how we bai nian and everything.

we were just about to play mahjong with ahma, when i went off to meet manprit.

hahaha, thats another story man!

we had HORRIBLE luck.

manprit saw many of her goooooood friends around :D

practically at every corner :D

took an hour walk around geylang, she broke her slipper,

some guy banged me with his car door. plus a dinner incident.

we then went off to tamp to meet 2 of her friends.

sat around and talked for awhile before i went back to aljunied to meet my family.

i just remember watching tv with qiang till i fell asleep :x

OH! i remember on the way home.

qiang, ling and i decided (okay i decided for them)

that we would plan to have our children at the same time.

on the *cough same day. hahahaha!

meaning we would call and synchronize with each other when we were going to do it.

you know, i think thats why our bithdays and years are so close.

kenneth, michael and i. (1991)

justin, daniel and qiang. (1989)

ling and wenting. (1994)

I DONT THINK ITS A COINCIDENCE ;D

the birthdays almost the same somemore :\

TUESDAY

went over to ahma's around 12.

as usual,we were the latest.

we always have AWESOME food with mum's side :D

shuyi and i played with polo.

us cousins sat around and talked,

we told adeline about our baby plans, and she decided to join in too! hahaha.

when we went into the room to see ahma,

you know. i think to myself,

why isnt she getting any better? ):

seriously, WHYWHYWHY));

then ling and i watched hsm3 on kenneth's iphone.

and then we went home(:

nothing much happened today, my parents just KO-ed right through.

and everyone's just resting.

ohmytian,

i cant believe its already wednesday!

my chinese new year resolution?

to watch all those good movies that are out now!

but everybody is busy! and school for me is going to start soon too):

time passes fast when you're having fun eh ?

2009-01-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

i managed to wake up at 130pm again!

haha, champion man! :DDDD

prepared last minute stuff for cny,

then we went off to ahma's house for steamboat!

it was only two families there, but we ate SO MUCH O.O

watched dark knight too,

which to me is quite violent leh.

especially the part where the joker banged the pencil through a guy's head o.o

*shivers.

we ate and talked and ate and talked(:

one thing i alway get upset with.

is not being able to understand my ahma's chim hokkien! ):

i know one day i will regret not making the effort to pick it up.

CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME CRASH COURSE ? :D

anyway, it turns out my cousin andy got into harvard law.

ohmytian, HARVARD LAW ?!?!?!

first daniel in stanford, then now this!

on one hand i'm really really happy for him, and it was something we all saw coming.

but seriously! thanks for raising the bar in our family. haha.

crazy over-achieving cousins!

2009-01-25T00:30:00.001+08:00

i found this picture in hq's blog.

and i realise how much i really really really miss them.

i know they'll do well this year(:

today was a day spent at home(:

woke up with my throat hurting horribly, and in the afternoon i got a little feverish

it really spoiled my mood for the day

so i didnt go for yuheng's birthday surprise at moo's house):

& i practically woke up at 130pm.

hahaha!

spent the day watching tv and preparing food for cny.

i realised i havent sat down with my family and ate for quite awhile.

so it was kind of nice(:

but still , i think being sick is the WORST THING EVER.

ekgjbroegnkerngpw

i hope i'll wake up tomorrow with a smile :D

i will just hate myself if i cant enjoy chinese new year food to its fullest.

manprit says she loves seeing her name on my blog.

so i shall start bad-mouthing about her!

okay, there's nothing bad to say about manprit, seriously. lols!

i'm really so happy to say we've been friends for eight years.

gosh, EIGHT YEARS O.O

and seriously, we havent changed at all. haha!

just that we now a new set of problems and happenings in our lives.

but i'm so glad that i can always go to manprit about ANYTHING!

and we'll just go on and on and on!

literally on and on and on!

like she says, in everything

i have you and you have me! hahaha.

i truly believe its hard to find friends you can be 99.9% open with.

even though i admit there are times i just want to kick her hard.

but, hey. what are friends for? HAHAHA.

the only flaw i see is that she knows too many of my secrets O.O

gosh, i hate phlegm.

2009-01-24T15:52:00.000+08:00

i cant seem to find my focus

overdue photos:

D5 this 2009!

the last days of 2008! :D

i'm really really afraid i'll lose my direction and heart in You.
i never never want to be satisfied with just enough.
i never want to be satisfied with just one touch from You
one revelation
one breakthrough.
not just knowing about You,
but truly knowing You.

i actually see 2 paths laid before me.

one of good testimony, the other of better testimony.

unfortunately, i can't walk both with only one life can i ?

unknowingly, everything falls into place in God's masterplan.
i wonder what will become of this in the years to come. haha.

people that just make me rofl

(see val i made it small! :D)

2009-01-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm going to apologise beforehand for the things i'm going to post about.

i'm probably clouded by blatant anger and frustration(:

but oh well.

firstly, i'm having the worst sore throat ever):

ohmytian, its really spoiling my mood.

meaning that i cant enjoy all the new year foood):

also, i have to speak up for my dearest laogong shuni

after train-ing home with you tonight, i realised how much i treasure your friendship once again.

and how i'm SO PISSED at what don's done!

seriously seriously, ohmytian.

i want to believe that everyone has a reason for doing what they do.

but seriously, this is really too much.

shuni, you deserve respect and priority and flat out honesty.

not this shitty heck-care, ignorant *beep*-ed up attitude.

i mean seriously, if after a year of being together,

he cant understand your heart, what does that show?

i want to give you the benefit of the doubt don, i really do.

but, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER ?!

seriously, your 360degree change in personality.

ohmygoodness.

come 9feb, i will seriously take a parang and chase your ass down.

i can understand child-like, but you're being straight out childISH.

we're already going 18,

EIGHTEEN.

we're no longer secondary school kids,

no longer emotionally driven and stubborn and blind and unknowing.

no more of your childish antics please.

life is way too freaking short for all this rubbish.

if everything i said means zero to you,

consider this :

is this what you call love?

the one she loves is you.

i spent the bus ride home putting some serious thought into all these.

watching all my friends and their relationships.

it seriously makes me doubt any good comes out of it.

but i believe you pick something up from each one.

experiences earned, lessons learnt.

but failed nonetheless.

i swear, my only string of hope on this is that i'm sure God has someone good in store(:

and then i thought, how do i want to spend the next few years of my life ?

one thing i do know, we're turning 18.

not 13, not even 16.

eighteen.

watching life roll by in school.

in fact, this week alone.

and i realise how childish we all can be (no offense)

letting silly things like rumours and all these crap shape our perceptions and judgements.

getting so self-conscious, petty and defensive.

at the end of the day, it really makes no sense.

and really wastes alot of good time.

whats lost is genuine sincerity and trust misplaced.

hahaha, why not just be authentic and have fun doing it :D

life's a whole lot better man.

even with this horrible sore throat,

i refuse to stop eating new year snacks! :DDDDDDD

today was a really tiring day.

for everyone im guessing.

manprit, sm and gentson just went home and KO.

met sm in the canteen in the morning.

the psycho reached before me luh!

he insisted 9am, but he came at 7am ?!

but he was being so polite and nice. HAHAHA.

maybe he shouldnt sleep more.

it turned out that i thought he'd bring books ,

and he thought i'd bring books.

= no maths today.

no mo qi right ? haha.

then i did some econs while he was watching her from afar.

was supposed to go gyming but i didnt ):

ended up playing a little basketball

( Gentson & i won sm and bk ! *dances )

met manprit, chatted for awhile before the bunch of us went to mac for breakfast.

thanks to manprit, my craving for healthy tau huay was crushed with NUGGETS.

sm was making strange animal noises and just being plain WEIRD.

seriously, after awhile i was just O.O?!

( sm i'm sorry :x )

more drama happened before manprit and i finally left.

then i went to tamp to meet pj, grace and zhengy!

talked and talked and talked.

then pj and i went to zhengy's house to rest.

read some blogs.

pj showed us a really sad blog.

about this girl who lost her boyfriend in NS.

it was really really horribly sad!

can you imagine, no closure to their 4-year relationship.

and people everywhere wallow in self-pity over their minute problems.

lol , anyway! haha.

then went to E!hub to meet jf, pf and jingyang.

nothing much to say. ahahahah.

lots of SUAN-ing.

train-ed home with shuni.

i really love love love the talks with her.

by then, my eyes were seriously hurting.

and i wanted to KO when i came home.

but after our trip, i HAD to blog! lols.

2009-01-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

funny how things never work out the way you picture ?

funny how things are never what they seem ?

today was just one thing after another.

from day to night luh.

i seriously dont understand why all these things are happening.

2009-01-21T10:17:00.000+08:00

it was seriously a very interesting day man o.o

i just cannot explain it. haha.

first, peifen said she was officially going to withdraw)):

which means she probably cant come with me on the first day)):

woegilekngoewgnowijgr ):

met siming in school at 2plus,

you know, somehow i knew in my gut that we werent going to study.

and we really didnt.

lol, bk wanted to go sing k.

and i really hate it when people say things like zong se qing you :x

so i said faster go.

and he took a bagillion years from amk hub luh. lols. when it actually takes about 15mins only.

so long until i managed to hear the whole story.

it was really rofl and made no sense at all - much like siming himself :x

sooon, bk and manprit came.

and she wanted to go see them sing k for awhile.

i've learnt not to take manprit's AWHILE literally,

their singing k was the FUNNIEST THING EVER , seriously.

we were laughing until out stomachs rolled luh.

poor Gentson had to do siming's homework in the dark luh -.-

this is seriously a friendship where we all have no shame with each other le.

after that, something happened and i really really reaaally wanted to leave.

but that manprit lwkrghowgwkognoiw .

i'm seriously going to get revenge for it. hahaha.

but it really pissed me off luh,

when we finally did leave,

we went back to school to go running with dexter and jason.

i increased to 10rounds okay! lol,

while those psycho people ran 15.

thanks to her, i'm losing weight ! :DD

then , talked with junyan awhile.

which totally shocked me!

i really never ever ever ever ever expected what came out of his mouth.

i'm quite relieved to find that he's not the person we thought he was.

but at the same time, really really sad.

but, you cant control the things and people that cross your life yeah ^^

people like him need God in their life!

after that, went to spend some time with the girls playing bball.

they're all get injured luh):

and poor pinli's one, seriously.

hais, all the wrong things happening at the wrong time.

after that, many things happened during th inter-house luh!

which is going to be so much to type that i'm lazy :x

manprit and i were laughing our asses off.

as well as making a decision not to get involved in certain issues.

girl politics is the scariest thing ever.

saw many seniors come down for training today, even more than the team itself .

haha, havent seen huiling they all in such a long time.

after the inter house,

we went to bathe and ate dinner with qb, bk and gentson.

i tell you, i've now seen a new face of bk man!

the way he helped manprit with that guy on the phone.

we were all ROFL-ing !

it was so so so so so so funny!

haha, words seriously cannot describe how funny it was.

such a polite gangster. hahaha.

while they went back school to *ahem.

manprit and i went to j8 to shop! :DD

we bought the same skirt luh. lol.

walked around and then went to coffeebean to wait for siming.

where we saw a super cute guy! :DD

thats why we're going to coffeebean today tomorrow! hahaha.

when siming came, we talked for awhile before finally going home.

went home and talked with dad abit.

i hope this temp teaching job is really opening his eyes to teaching kids.

and that you cant always get the perfect class, the perfect students.

but isnt that the whole point of being a teacher ?

to teach the imperfect.

today was a really enlightening day. haha.

2009-01-20T10:14:00.001+08:00

whenever i dont blog for awhile,

its either that my com spoilt,

or that things have gone wrong in my life. hahaha.

well, my computer didnt spoil.

FRIDAY:D

went to eat nyny for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ! haha.

with joanne png, lihua, peijun and jieru.

it is so expensve and not exactly fantastic leh.

my salad cost about 11 bucks in the end.

O.O!

SALAD LEH!

i admit it was a nice salad, but really expensive)):

but their service is kind of coool,

because they let us play with the cotton candy thing! haha

li hua and i went fareast after that for shopppping ;DD

like finally, we've been craving it all weeek :x

we only had about an hour plus,

but we managed to get something. haha.

this is called pro :D

then we chiong-ed over for BMI.

which was super fun because of gang yuan. HAHAHA.

we made cleaning fun man.

had dinner with D5 and went home.

SATURDAY :D

mum, ling and i brought ahma to lighthouse church today.

seeing her condition now and everything,

feet twisted and hands tiff, swollen from head to toe):

not just for a minute, not even for an hour.

but EVERYDAY):

she's in so much pain from all these.

and we cant do anything to help but pray.

i seriously hate parkinsons disease, i really hate it.

she couldnt even sit more than half an hour.

she couldnt even sit through the service.

one thing i thank God for this year is my ahma's salvation, truly.

but i want to believe for her deliverence and healing as well.

the part that broke my heart is when,

in all her pain and suffering,

she never wanted to leave her room.

but since she's got saved,

she's only ever left her room, to want to go for service.

a service that she probably cant even sit through.

but still she hungers for the love of a God.

she doesnt know it, but she really inspires me.

and then i think about people who go to service reluctantly, ignorantly even.

and then i think of people like my ahma.

i want to say i understand, but sometimes i really dont.

that night when we brought her back to her room.

we all sat with her and talked.

after awhile she even said, she wanted to go back to church.

but ivy had to tell her service was over.

i tell you, at the moment i was already in tears.

i looked at her from head to toe, all red and swollen.

her body twisted and stiffen from the disease.

i now know what strength my ahma has in her.

i went home and i cried.

SUNDAY

my mood was horribly torn when i woke up.

people whom i expected to react in certain ways did - as usual.

went to fareast to pick up my shoes :D

which turned out to be really big):

so i'm going to put tissue paper! haha.

then , chiong-ed down for pm.

and it turned out everyone was late -.-

i think my mind was kind of distracted during pm :x

but service was great(:

really really great.

this series Pastor is on, is like. woah man!

hahaha.

i now understand what ken meant.

God did answer some of my questions through the service.

in fact, throughtout the day.

esp during discipleship class.

it was with Charleston today.

i feel he has a really personal quality about him, to connect with us.

he shared with us many stories, and got us to share too.

when i heard about people like Joy with her PO.

they're really heroes of faith man!

but still i thought about the PO.

and, the parents arent the bad guys.

they're just being, parents.

logical, protective.

i dont think we can really blame them ?

it was really paiseh when i cried in front of Charleston man!

but he really spoke to how i was feeling that day.

and i couldnt help but ask :x

i felt so bad cos i even said "charleston dont look at me leh"

when i was crying :xxx

i know that people like him have gone through so much to be what they are today.

but, i dont think i have that strength :x

shared with fungus about how i felt

about all the intgs.

my friends actually, guess i cant say too much here. hahaha.

but i'm going to have even more faith man!

press on press on.

went home, talked to my parents,

well , it almost went well.

soon they went back to scolding and being pissed -.-

i seriously long for some peace in my life. haha.

2009-01-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

只要是用心

today was another day!

woke up at 4plus to mum's annoying alarm.

it kept ringing and ringing and ringing -.-

woke up again about 10plus after finally having a day to sleeep in :DD

dad forced me to do some chores before i left the house):

but it was okay! haha.

chiong-ed down to xinmin sec by taking 2 super long buses.

i think i've burnt out my ezlink card all within this week ):

my poor money has flown away man.

it was quite a pretty school!

though jasmine kept saying its not nice.

it has SWINGS MAN(: and its colourful. hahaha.

jingfen and i had to bluff the security guard that i was alumni :x

we also spent time laughing at the photos on the 60th board. HAHAH!

we took super long to find zhengy's face!

hm, chiong-ed to school after that.

only to find that i got ps-ed by weijian and angzhilin!

luckily manprit was there.

slacked, played ball and ran as usual.

hahaha, manprit's my only friend that makes me exercise.

thats why i love her! haha.

that psycho woman ran 20 rounds ?!

while i only ran 7 :D watching weishen and dexter run too was really funny :x

chatted with coach awhile and then chiong-ed off to church(:

at first, i kind of wanted to stay in school and talk to coach more :x

eesh! i need to have discipline man!

luckily i wasnt late.

OHMYTIAN!

we had a two and a half hour prayer meeting!

though we were only 7, it was really a stretch for us!

but we pushed on in faith, and there's this sense of accomplishment man!

now i know what joyce chua did is truly amazing.

i believe its a breakthrough for many of us.

i know things are going to shift and change! woots :D

i truly believe these arent just names on a piece of paper.

it isnt just empty words that excape our mouths.

we spoke them in faith & with a vision in our hearts :D

i cant wait for these things to come to pass.

mum and dad want to wake up at 630am to exercise later )):

ohmytian,

but, its once in a purple chocolate-coated moon they initiate to EXERCISE.

so i will force myself to wake up! hahaha

2009-01-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

i'm really tired!

i hate waking up at 6plus. hahaha.

but thankfully mum works at zhonghua,

so can hitch a ride :D

muahaha!

open house today,

honestly i didnt think there were many people :x

haha, but many girls approached our basketball booth.

thats a goood thing, since they dont have many people(:

we spent quite alot of time being disorganised before finally settling the

stuff. poor pinli was so stressed - as usual :x

but, many of the teams backed out last minute):

and poor eileen got scolded for it.

whats this. there's a increasing number of unreasonable teachers! O.O

manprit's team won. LOL.

after two walkovers and one match. LOL!

after that, walked around walked around.

saw abit of the guy's tournament.

it had to stop halfway though, because of the rain.

i finally know who is tingyi and bk man! lols.

but they turned out really opposite of what i expected :x

ladida ladida~

watched the new mass dance!

ohmytian, its hsm3.

lols, then went to speak to ms tang & ms yau.

i know , finally):

i was really scared okay.

i dont want to say what happened, and it really stung me alot.

i sensed alot of sarcasm.

but i'm glad i got it over with.

what they said, was whaat i expected,

but still i left the room in tears.

ladida ladida~

went with jordan ( THE CUTEST THING EVER )

to find manprit, sm and cy at central.

then came back to play cards and talk at our new garden!

our school's new garden park-like thing is really nice! :D

but jordan was pointing out every insect he saw! haha.

the innocence of a little boy,

with the novelty of discovery! HAHA.

then , they soon left, and jordan went to the courts.

ohmytian, i must dedicate an apology to jordan.

i promised we would go down and find him.

and we did! we went down the grandstand side,

AND HE WAS GONE )):

we searched around for him and couldnt find him.

and my phone was dead so i couldnt call! ):

i feel so so so so guilty!

JORDAN IM SO SORRY!

words cannot express how bad i feel!

upsetting a little boy is something i despise MOST):

manprit and i then chatted on the grandstand, waiting for dexter.

heart to heart man! lols.

with added crap.

ladida ladida~

somehow we ended up eating at bishan.

cafe cartel! burned a hole in my wallet ):

but its a nice to sit and chat :D

plus we saw claire, jolene & jamie!

and they finally recognised us! haha.

ate, talked about many things.

went toilet, then home !

i'm really really tired man):

i dont want to wake up early again tomorrow! )):

i long for the days where we can just lie down and KO on the grandstand,

and just. BE LAZY :x

some people i must say.

under certain circumstances, can just be so superficial,

presenting a facade.

even using me as a prop!

i wont say anything, it was quite entertaining watching your pretense actually.

2009-01-12T22:06:00.000+08:00

the weekend has been really long!

saturday seemed so long ago.

SATURDAY :D

i met up with zhengy first for lunch.

i couldnt hold everything that was inside me anymore.

and i EXPLODED onto zhengy!

she was so patient to listen to all that was on my heart!

thanks alot zhengy(:

but still, i was feeling really traumatised ?

i dont know.

i know i'm not over-reacting when i say that it was too much.

honestly, i wasnt in the mood for usher.

but i know that i needed to keep a heart of servanthood.

thanks to the encouragement of zhengy, i didnt back out.

and in the end, usher turned out to be so fun!

really learnt alot this time, and it really cheered me up to serve.

tiring, dizzy and hungry. but spiritually fulfilling(:

yilin assigned me to C1.

but the other usher wasnt there!

so i had to do the blue envelope thing.

& i was SUPER kanchiong! until my SLs had to ask me not to be so kan chiong.

the image of gang yuan laughing his butt off still haunts me.

HAHAHAHA.

i really learnt the importance of being quick and efficient and on cue.

but NOT to be kanchiong :D

it turned out to be really run!

our team was awesome. haha. with those few familiar faces(:

during debrief,

Godric and i could literally only think about DIM SUM. haha

eager to leave :x

but yilin shared many things which she observed.

which i do actually think we should pick up on :D

after that, though we finished,

gang yuan and noni refused to let the girls go.

cos it would look unfair to the guys.

so , we did the intro thing.

lol, they're seriously the most RANDOM people ever!

but yet great leaders in the house of God man.

they have SO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES!

its so inspiring!

chiong-ed down for dim sum.

but had to meet my parents after only about 20mins):

that night on the way home.

my mum said something that really hurt me.

everything i said, was inner jokes between me and my siblings since FOREVER

but she still held my words against me

kdfo0rwignkwgo ):

SUNDAY :D

i had the WORST stomachache in the morning! lol.

so i only reached in time for service :x haha

service, ohmytian.

it was just amazing! seriously.

the word was just so revelational.

and i felt God's presence just flow with each word Pastor preached!

it was just.

amazing.

i felt a burden once again tugging in my heart.

i know it might be financially tight.

but i think this series is really something they have to hear):

after that.

had a deoderant war with godric man.

by war i mean WAR.

AND MY WHOLE SHIRT WAS FULL OF IT )):

while the SP gang was taking photos, helping pf 4D,

the rest of us were writing Choongkai's card.

which he already saw -.-

spoiler! haha.

we then took funny photos for database.

and i waited for fungus for discipleship class.

we literally CHIONGED from the lift to mpr2.

it was really funny! hahaha.

i was chanting "gogogogogogogogo~"

in the end, though Dom was late.

we spent the time BONDING. hahaha.

before that though,

i ate a cheeseburger, the FASTEST I EVER ATE O.O

we played zong ji mi ma. with weird forfeits. HAHAHA.

it was really funny!

then we watched ju yin laugh for half an hour NON STOP.

gosh, it reminded me of shuni.

just that this girl has hyena laughter man!

on and on and on and on.

i'm haunted, haha.

when Dom came, we all settled down and received a great word.

about doing the right thing.

i guess this is something that answered what i brought up in prayer.

doing the right thing.

when it comes to relationships and everything.

i know that when i look back,

i dont want to remember years and months of directionless playing.

every decision defines you man (:

but dom made all the serious things really funny! haha.

and when qiwei shared about his experience.

i decided that i dont want my relationship with my family to be minimal anymore.

that night, i spent the time to talk to my dad.

and promised to eat breakfast with him today.

that night, i prayed.

i prayed my heart out before the first day of school.

MONDAY(:

finally today!

haha. i was struggling so hard to get up! o.o

ate tau huay with dad.

it was really funny! we laughed at stuff in the newspaper.

it was brief though, then i went off to school for pm.

we didnt have much time.

but, i think its important to kick off the year on the right foot.

i really hope this year is different,

this year - things will start to move.

& i'm sorry jianfan once again for not having flow :x

anyway, went to watch one episode of my drama after that :D

and kicked around the rugby ball with jf and yx.

i'm happy to admit that i seriously cmi in the dont-know-what-touch kick thing.

but it was fun playing with them.

its been so long.

then jingfen came.

haha, ate lunch with her and some others.

she's so nice to travel so far for us man!

then ladida~ ladida~

manprit and i went to help out at the house exco.

blowing balloons and cutting banners.

LOL, but candace julia and some others were there.

it was nice to catch up with them.

even if it was short(:

then, ladida~ ladida~

slacked around with qb and gentson.

supposedly they were "studying"

while i watched another episode.

the show is pissing me off man!

the people are so SCHEMING AND SELFISH! O.O

but anyway, we somehow ended up at the basketball court.

HAHAHA, then that psycho manprit wanted to run.

after a few rounds, i gave up :x haha.

but she kept on going and going and going.

i told qb and gentson about how i felt.

like finally, i've been wanting to pour it out on them for so long

i seriously dont know if they understood.

cos they spent half the time defending him :x

then somehow, with all our kanchiong-ness.

we ended up at j8.

LOL, i'm sorry. lazy to put in details :x hahaha.

ate pasta and gentson went off.

manprit and i SHOPPED(:

walked and walked around awhile before going off.

today was one of those,

significantly random days (:

but i'm glad i have friends around me now.

who knows what 2feb would bring.

i know all of these will change,

and i want to cherish the time with them now while i can(:

OHOHOH.

i forgot to say, my biggest heartache for today!

JORDAN PANGSEH-ED ME )):

i can understand men leaving me,

but p6 boys too ?! ):

im demoralised man! lol.

2009-01-10T10:28:00.000+08:00

i love the weekends!
going to be on usher today
it was supposed to be my third bmt duty.
but because i forgot to let my SL sign my form on new year's eve.
i have to do another one)):
hahaha, but ushering is FUN!
you learn infinite things man.
its just that wont get to spend the day with my cg.

anyway, this past week has just been the weirdest thing ever o.o
just .
weird.
i dont know how else to describe it. seriously.
hahaha.

anyway, i dont know if im just pms-ing or something.
but i'm actually looking forward to the new year now! :DD
besides the sian-ness of school.
looking forward to new experiences!
plus, going to start ministry soon :D
hopefully under zhengy.

this is good life advice someone sent me! haha.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When
someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson .

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

2009-01-09T15:26:00.000+08:00

Exceedingly, Abundantly
- Ephesians 3:20.

the problem with many of us nowadays,
we get too easily enamored with our own plans.
we aim to do noble and potentially difficult things,
then we assume that we're experiencing the maximum potential for our lives,
and that God must be pleased with us.

the thing i learned from QT last night.
is that,
we can never set a goal too big,
an attempt so significant.
that God doesnt have something far greater that He can do through you and in you.

for example. Saul worked really hard.
probably harder than anyone else to impress God with his efforts.
only to discover that his greatest achievements were but rubbish compared to God's will
( Philippians 3)

God sees the bigger picture.
bigger than we can even hope to imagine to see.
until we've heard from Him -
He who's power far exceeds our limited and narrow imagination.
we must put aside our personal agenda, however lofty.
we must never be satisfied with our own dreams, for they are finite at best.

i think that nowadays,
everyone's obsessed with pursuing their own aspiration, ambitions and "dreams"
they show blatant disregard for the feelings of others.
in deep dark naked truth.
without hesitation, they are willing to step all over anyone in their way.
backstabbing, bad-mouthing, humiliating, black-mailing.
there's no integrity in words or promises anymore.

but, i seriously believe.
if you're depending on nothing but yourself.
pursuing things of your own,
when you do get the job you've always wanted.
the achievements you've been pining for.
the bf/gf you've been yearning for.
the lifestyle you've been moulding out.
[ seeing how many years it could take ]

do you think you'll be satisfied ?
there is a void, a sense of eternity in everyone of us.
nobody an exception.
everyone is always seeking more.
there never seems to be enough.
trust me,
i know for sure, 100000%
that you wont be satisfied.
maybe short term yes.
but you'll always have that feeling of inadequacy tugging on you.
that feeling of insufficiency and unacceptance.
and no matter WHAT you do.
no matter which new opportunity you ride on.
it will never fulfill you.

there's a God that loves you unconditionally.
a touch from Him can change your life(:
all you have to do is seek Him.

"And whatever things you as in prayer, believing, you will receive"
- Matthew 21:22

you dont even have anything to lose.
haha :D

lalala ~
okay, anyway.
going for the PGSM preview later again.
ohmytian! it's like my 3rd time.
honestly, i'm really really glad Julia's considering this option.
and i really hope she finds what she's looking for.
i seriously do(:

with school for the j2s starting this monday.
the wheel will finally start turning.
and life is hasten into a sprint once again.
please let this year be a good one.
i really really really really hope it will be.
i realised i havent put my personal resolutions ? haha.

[1] to promote well ! mug mug mug!
[2] fulfill my personal faith target !
[3] have a memorable and significant 2009 in nyjc&hogc
- D5!
- ministry!
[4] less vulgarities!
[5] read more!
[6] surround myself with people who actually give a shit about me :D
[7] speak less, learn more! -teachability, availability up up up!
[8] finish BRP!
[9] NOT give people the wrong idea (only some will understand)
[10] love others sincerely - put my friends' needs before my own.
[11] JIAN FEI :D
[12] not succumb to the expectations of others.
[13] have more discipline in the things i do! laziness&procrastination down down down !

anyway, saw this quiz on my friend's blog.
and decided to do it! haha.
quizzes and really random.

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

does this mean im old ?! ): haha

2009-01-08T11:24:00.000+08:00

woah! i havent blogged this year. hahaha
sharifah has my laptop and the com i have at home cant use blogger):

anyway , this is a really impactful song!
not only because of the lyrics which are short, blunt yet significant
but also it sounds nice from David Cook. hahaha

When I was a little boy
I swore that I would change the world when I grew up
Nothing else would be enough

I see it everyday
We settled for safe
And lose ourselves along the way

'Coz if you don't dream big what's the use of dreaming
If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing
It takes one look to make the stars worth reaching for
So reach out for something more

Took a well perfected plan
For me to finally understand
But it's not me
Faith is something I cant see

I've wiped my tears away now it's time for a change
No I can't waste another day

'Coz if you don't dream big what's the use of dreaming
If you don't have faith there's nothing worth believing
It takes one look to make the stars worth reaching for
So reach out for something more

anyway , go d/l it!(:

this week has been just a blur.

everything's just brushing past so fast.

everyone's starting school soon.

leaving me with half a month more!

my work for this month is to catch up on reading! :D

be a nerd.

i was reading through my posts from last year.

around the new year period.

i laughed my butt off at my stupidity.

before going into nanyang.

i remember azureen and i swore to be low profile.

to join a band of nerds.

but,

look where we are now.

how ironic.

i cant believe that even after a year.

i'm still fessing over the same issues.

but thankfully with new insight.

new sense of purpose. even if its not my own.

maybe the past year wasnt such a waste.

maybe it was just what i needed.

well, i'll never know till the new year sinks in right ?

with God's eye view.

i know the future will be bright! (:

2008-12-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

change change change.
new new new.
hasnt anyone heard of constant ?

my resolution
i wont let this year repeat itself.
i am going to be a better me.

".. the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
- 1 Samuel 16:7

".. if the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that."
- James 4:15

2008-12-29T01:40:00.000+08:00

overdue photos!

haha, koped from sheela of course :x

i miss them man, seriously.

and some photos from Medan,

my dad didnt let me put certain things.

so it's mostly us goofing off. haha.

a rainbow in a waterfall! coool right!

we had to climb down steep slopes to get this view

i am SUPER afraid of heights.

and was really freaked out! haha.

we went to the hot springs source!

it was SUPER hot O.O

our team building! HAHAHA.

amazing right! haha

i've never seen the starting point of a rainbow before!

it started from the lake. we forced lana to stop a few times just so we could take a photo. HAHA.

awesome kids!

these kids are so amazing, seriously.

we could learn a thing or two from them.

2008-12-27T15:01:00.000+08:00

i'm uploading the photos now, so i'll post them in the next post (:

i guess there's too much detail to write about the medan trip.

one significant thing i learnt though,

as we had to perform a few songs.

the songs we used were the songs i used to sing in sunday school.

as early as when i learned to walk

as i hear them again now,

i understand them in a new light now.

i never knew they were so powerfully blunt and true.

they are just such powerful and touching songs to me.

singing word for word of psalms, of everything!

i never knew (: its just amazing.

anyway, 3 verses i stumbled on this morning that kind of struck me.

"for by faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarded of those who diligently seek Him"

- Hebrews 11:6

"Confess your trespasses yo one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much"

- James 5:16

"For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also"

- James 2:26

this christmas was nothing spectacular to me. but it was a time for me to really count my blessings.

it wasnt a sudden revelation that i am blessed,

i know i am.

my life has changed 360degrees this year.

and though people say i havent changed.

maybe externally i havent,

but inside of me i have been renewed.

my priorities are entirely different now,

i have thrown away horrid habits,

and i see life in a different light.

i am no longer insecure, doutbful, but instead i'm full of faith.

i dont just pursue things selfishly for myself, but i want to live for others.

i've learnt to love more instead of to rebel.

and still secretly feeling void on the inside.

but still i know there is so much more ahead.

the road is long,

the valley's deep,

the ocean's right in front of me.

But God ~

hahaha, this song just rings in my head.

anyway,

go read Gavin & Choongkai's blogs.

seriously, those kids are just full of life and fire!

they're super funny, and yet

at secondary two, they're inspiring in God's name(:

i can't say i'm excited for 2009.

i know it's going to be yet another year of change.

of surprise - whether i like it or not.

but one thing i do know,

whichever road i choose, i want to see the bigger picture.

life beyond myself and what i want.

Heaven's eye view.

all these i know because,

i rededicated my life to Christ.

no longer i who live,

but Christ who lives in me (:

2008-12-14T15:30:00.001+08:00

yeah,
countdown one hour till we leave for Medan.
you know, i'm excited and really scared at the same time.

last night's retro night was cool.
though only a few people dressed up! O.O
not say it wasnt expected ^^'
the audi's was turned super cool!
with 80's music, old games and dimmed lights.
actually i think the 80's werent all that bad(:
besides you know , all the war and prejudice :x

anyway,
this "holiday" is different.
not really hoping for a big break.
not really expecting much.
just hope that we'll be back safely :x

gotta chiong prep for missions,
as well as chiong christmas cards.
gulps.
so much for holiday. haha.